


Secret Land

by Funtum_Candi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 1940s, 1950s, 1960s, America, Angst, Assassin - Freeform, Dover, Fluff, Forgiveness, Guilt, Historical, I repeat, Lemon, Lime, M/M, Murder, Mystery, OCC - Freeform, Original Character(s), Romance, Shota, Shounen-ai, Smut, Violence, Within, Yaoi, Young Romano, Yourself - Freeform, chibi romano - Freeform, chibimano - Freeform, delaware - Freeform, hitman - Freeform, its really just implied, just try, kidnap, noncanon, not canon, really - Freeform, this is a guilt story, this is not erotic, to find the
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-04-15 08:02:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4599039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Funtum_Candi/pseuds/Funtum_Candi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ATTENTION READERS: (I'm not as active here! More chapters have been uploaded on my wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/xXAscellaXx )</p><p>Nobody knows how Lovino Vargas separated from his family after birth. Nobody even knows he exists. Except for Antonio, a "misunderstood Spaniard", who found and raised him. He helps Lovino keep his existence a secret, only if Lovino decides to carry out his orders.<br/>Daily life in the Carriedo household, until the Vargas gets a little curious.</p><p>This fic was inspired by Sandra's "Secret Land" (1988)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Autumn Leaves

**Author's Note:**

> Fanfic Virgin  
> Inspired by "Secret Land"(Sandra 1988)

I felt someone cradling me in their arms, rocking me slowly, easing my sobs. He turned his head to yell at someone. 

I could faintly recall him yell something like, "You'll regret this!" and "You only have one!"

"I'll get another. It won't be hard." Snickered a voice that haunted my mind. 

"Just wait until he grows up! You'll see! He'll be beautiful!" By then, I had stopped crying and managed to listen to the conversation.

"Heh. What do you know. You're just a kid." Nothing was said after that. I watched the man walk away in his fall coat. I listened to the sound of leaves crunching under his feet until he was too far away to audibly hear his footsteps. 

I remember, leaves were falling down as the boy carrying me turned himself around and starting moving forwards.

Everything afterwords was a blur, the whole situation was fuzzy in my memory. I'd expect it to be. It's my first memory anyways. 

It might not even be a memory. It reoccurred to me in dreams when I was young. That's all I know. 

None of it is really important, that's what he tells me at least. I know I shouldn't be curious, but I can't help but wonder what happened years ago. How I ended up here. 

How my existence became a secret.


	2. Do What He Wants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the majority of days were like in the Carriedo household. Lovino shares his small daily thoughts, as well as his nightly ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaaay so I hadn't updated in a LOOONG while!!  
> I'm so sorry!  
> Here is chapter 2, fresh out of the oven

I stood dully beside my drawer across the room from my bed. Antonio was waiting for me downstairs, but he didn't know I was awake. He's usually nice to me. If I stall for a while, the day will seem shorter. More time will pass, and when I arrive downstairs for my daily chores, I might be there late enough that he will have already left.

Antonio is my boss, he's raised me for as long as I can remember. We have a mutual tolerance for each other. Or, more so, I have a mutual tolerance for him. He likes to act all sweet and lovey-dovey in the day but I won't give in to any of it. Not. One. Bit. It's probably an act he's going to break sometime. And not just at night. Until then, I'm only tolerating his attitude so I can take advantage of him. Like, let's say, stalling to get out of doing chores. Don't tell him any of that, though. It's best if he didn't know.

It's probably been a few minutes, and I become bored of thinking to myself. With a small sigh I slipped on my apron over my dress (both which Antonio provided, like everything else that exists in this house) and attempted to tie it in the back a couple of times before deciding I was satisfied enough with just the knot. I stared down at the white socks on my feet for a few seconds and finally walked over to the door, twisting the knob slowly and pulling in once I heard the little click signaling the door opened. 

I walked out of my room and down the steps that lead from the 3rd floor through the 2nd and down to the 1st. There were 4 floors to this large house, including the attic. You could only reach the attic through the closet in my room. It was probably really small, but it still seems big to me. I'm not short or anything, just young. I'm really young. Not short. Young. Young. Young...

When I made it to the bottom of the steps I was greeted by my boss. Like every morning, he had been waiting out by my door to give me a "surprise" hug. I never hugged him back, but I eventually gave up trying to push him away. 

I just let him do what he wants.

For now, at least. I don't know if I'll be stronger than him when I'm older, it would make it easier to push him away I guess. I would eat the last tomato, make him wear the dress, make him wait for me to return from whatever I do, and maybe I'd be the boss.

I quickly snapped out of my daydream when I heard a voice much manlier than mine.

"Breakfast is waiting for you in the dining room. You're list is on the counter." He kissed my forehead and exited through the front door, leaving me to my daily duties.

My "list" was just the chores he had arranged for me. Nothing special. Average things. 

I used to be really poor at cleaning, but I'd grown accustomed to it. You start getting used to it and becoming less clumsy when it's what you do everyday, right? Of course right.

And like everyday, today will be long. Finishing chores early, waiting for the boss to come back home. There's nothing to do when there isn't work, so the day gets tiresome and lonely. I tried to play around once, but I just didn't understand why "kids" did it. Antonio tells me about what normal children do. I'm not sure why, it would only make me want to escape and play around, right? No, it made me pity the world. I feel bad for the world for not having my life. For not living in this great house, for not washing the pretty dishes. They have it harder, they have it worse, I like myself this way.

Today, after my duties, I wasn't as bored as usual. I started thinking about why my life was one of the greatest. I'd sit on the couch for hours, thinking, and occasionally fixing my wrinkled dress and apron. I lost my thoughts, somewhere about how great the food was here, and drifted to sleep. I curled up, and nearly took up a cushion. I slept for hours. Daylight had passed.

I was awakened by the slam of a door. Antonio walks in, removes his tie and hangs his black jacket on the coat rack. He seemed angry, very angry, more angry than usual. I panicked. He saw me panic. He smiled. But he didn't smile like he did in the day. No, this was his night smile.

"Hello there, Lovinito. Were you resting?" At first I wasn't sure what to say, but not much time went by before I responded.

"Yes..." 

"Perfect, 'cause this is gonna be another long night. Got it?" I nodded immediately, I knew the drill.

He ruffled my hair and made his way to the bedroom. I shortly followed.

I knew he was in there, making unnecessary preparations.

I put my hand on the doorknob. I was scared of what he did at night. I turned the doorknob. I was scared of what he did to me at night. I opened the door. I walked inside.

He is the boss.

Let him do what he wants.

Slipping off my apron, I closed the door behind me.


	3. Open Doorways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (((A/N: Hey!! So, I finished this a few months ago,, and I posted everything on Wattpad. I decided it wouldn't hurt to put it all on here. The last chapter is not a real chapter. Like, it's part of the story and everything, but I'll write a warning beforehand explaining what it is.)))

It's not like I have a choice, I never had a choice. Could I leave? Probably. Would I survive? That question bugs me the most. No one would take me in, I could get in trouble with the law if I'm caught wondering alone, or at least that's what I'm told. 

I don't even know if they speak the same language as me. Beyond this house, I'm well aware it's an entirely different world. I don't know how people act out there; how they speak, respond, go about their daily lives. In a weird way, it almost scares me. The outside world scares me. I understand and accept this, but I still wonder if there was a possibility I could leave. Escape my life here, be free, see things I've never seen before. 

It doesn't matter. I'm fine here. 

Days went by, every night became routine. More often than before at least. I know the outside world must be harsh, he lets out all his angers and frustrations on me. That's what I'm here for. That's what I've always been here for. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid. I'm not oblivious to what he's doing. I've read things before, both on book and screen. What he's doing is bad, it's not allowed. It's against the law. It's sick, it's perverted, it's unhealthy, it...doesn't matter. None of it matters. What I do, what he does, he does to me, it's not part of the law. It's secret, it "doesn't exist". I, specifically, don't exist. That's all that matters.

Yet... It still seems wrong to me. Our entire system seems off, in a way.

My thoughts are interrupted by Antonio calling out my name. I realize now, that I wasted an entire day in my room, just thinking to myself. I wasn't hungry or exhausted, it's a good thing too. It's night as of right now, and he's calling me. That usually only means one thing. I lay on my bed for a solid 5 seconds before deciding I have no option then to return my boss's call.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Come on downstairs. Tonight is special." He spoke with a confident, dominant tone, which always gave the final word. For some odd reason, I felt scared. He'd never called a night "special" before, and I worried it meant this night was going to be a long one. I'm not going to make any predictions, though. There wasn't enough time for me to think, he's too demanding to wait long for me. He had plans. I got up and carefully walked downstairs, for no reason in particular. I soon made it to the bottom.

I'm not even sure what happened next. He put his hand on my shoulders and started talking really fast of a bunch of things. I picked something about a coworker, work, and "needs to be done."

"Do you understand, Lovino?" He suddenly spoke slower, making sure I understood.

"Huh?"

"We're going outside." His grin scared me. His facial was something I had never seen on him before, it was terrifying. I nodded, feeling a frantic adrenaline rush go through me, I had no clue what this meant. It didn't make sense. I didn't understand. 

He took my hand carefully and led me through the door.


	4. Nightwalk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((A/N: Another note!- I wrote a lot of A/Ns when I was originally writing the story,, so I may include them on here. Just 'cause. Feel totally free to respond to the story, even if it's been finished! I also loooove hearing theories! ))

Did you know? The air outside is different. It's dark, it's frightening, it's lively, and it's nothing short of mysterious. I heard strange noises I've never heard before, I saw animals. I saw little bugs in the cracks of the sidewalk; nocturnal, I was guessing. There were huge birds soaring above us, making eerie shrieks into the moonlight. And the moon, where do I begin with the moon? It's huge, it's beautiful. Sure I've seen it before, but only through windows. This was different. It was more luminous, more magical. Such a bright thing, in a huge black sky. The moon is beautiful. 

Buildings were tall, dark, and had little windows. The darkness they caused intimidated me a little. The ground was a little wet, especially on the street. It wasn't the most sanitary here either. Litter trashed every corner, or at least most. At first it didn't smell pleasant but I got used to it quickly. I noticed Antonio start to tense, more and more as we kept walking.

"Where are we going?" I tried my best not to be annoying, as it may result in him taking me back home. I didn't want that, I wanted to stay out here as long as possible. 

"Can you wield a knife?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Just follow me." He continued to lead me through dark roads, on streets hidden by dark buildings. This isn't what I imagined the outside world to be like, but I tried not to think of it much. It wasn't in my place to complain. 

Suddenly I felt strange, and clung to my boss's waist. I noticed faint footsteps in the distance. He noticed them too, and cautiously leaned down to take something out from his shoe. He pulled me apart from him and handed me a small, but intimidating knife. 

"Use this." He whispered. We watched a shadow sneak around the corner. I didn't process what was happening until I heard my name being called. Antonio had forcefully thrown the shadow against the wall before pinning him there, putting pressure on the man's rib cage. 

"Lovino! What are you waiting for?! C'mon!" I was frozen. What was he asking me to do? The man coughed and struggled to be released, as if that would happen. I know better than anyone else it's useless to fight against him. 

I may have spoken too soon. The strange man stopped for a moment, before swinging his arm up and punching Antonio straight in the nose, cackling loudly to himself. This didn't last long. Sure enough, Antonio grabbed him by his hair and... nearly fused the man's head with the wall behind him. A disturbing crack was heard, followed by a splatter, later forming a river of dark, red blood. I watched it seep into the street cracks, coating a small portion of the wall. I felt small, sticky droplets drizzle down my own cheeks. 

My bones then decided to stop working, "T-Toni...?" There was a terrifying gleam in his eyes. He immediately softened his expression, which soon was replaced with a massive concern. 

"Run."

"What?"

"Forget it!" My fingers released the small knife as he picked me up and threw me over his shoulders, moving at a pace I've never experienced before. To keep myself somewhat stable, my arms wrapped around his neck and I buried my face in his shoulders. I tried to focus on the small splashes his running made on the wet street, rather than what I believed to be a man yelling from a long distance. 

"T-Toni, was that-!"

"No. He's dead. Don't worry." I paled, spending the rest of the bumpy ride silently, trying to ignore the fading calls behind us. 

\---------------

A/N: WHOOOO

okay, so, I really rushed this chapter. Still, I'm glad I 'finished' it. I intended to add more (both content and detail) but in the end I didn't get to it, sorry ;-;

As I was writing, I ended up changing a lot of what I was planning to put here. Either I'll save it for later or discard the ideas completely. I have a sort of plan for next chapter, depending on how it goes. I think it's going to be quite a bit shorter than this one, though this one is short as it is. I can't help it. All we do in school is learn how to summarize stories, I tend to shorten what I hoped to be paragraphs into sentences. 

Welp! I hope I'll be able to post the next chapter soon! Until then, please give me reviews TvT i can't read all y'all minds, i'd love to hear what you have to say, and what you want from this story!


	5. Only Nobody

"Hey there, Lovi, why do you look so sad?" He kissed my neck. 

"Who was he?.." I murmured. 

"It was nobody, Lovi," he fiddled with the bow around my neck, "Just a mindless body."

"Did he have a name? A life?"

"Don't think like that."

"A family? A wife? Ki-"

"Stop it, Lovino. He was nobody." His face was buried into my neck, slowly running his forefinger down my spine. 

"There were no kids?"

"No kids."

"No wife?"

"Not one in sight!" 

"Antonio, I'm serious." He stopped to look up at me. 

"Do you think I'm not?" He seemed un-amused, but there was a flare in his eyes. One that was all too familiar. I sat there and stared at him, not knowing what to answer. He accepted my silence and began to untie my apron. 

"W-Wait, shouldn't I wash myself first? There's blood on my face." He only smirked and continued to untie every little bow that got in the way between him and I. 

"You're beautiful this way, Lovino." I swallowed my saliva uncertainly, but decided it wouldn't be smart to argue. Instead, I slung my arms around his neck. Slowly but surely, the apron found it's way onto the floor, as he started attacking my collarbone, fumbling to undo the buttons at the back of my dress. The torso loosened as he made his way downwards, groping my thighs to compliment the small nips and kisses he spread across my chest. In return, I pulled him closer and opened my legs wider. He began to grind against me, letting out low frustrated grunts. 

I could hear it a quarter mile away, human. I could tell someone was coming. 

"Toni," He ignored me, "Toni."

His hands found their way further up my skirt.

"Someone's here!" 

There was a buzzing outside, followed by a quick screech. At this, Antonio finally stopped and pulled his hand away. He stood up, fixed his tie. 

There was the sound of someone opening and slamming a door. Footsteps made its' way to the doorway. The door was pounded on. 

"Get up, hide." He commanded. I quickly gathered my discarded clothes and ran up to my bedroom, closing the door gently behind me. I set them down and scurried to my bedroom window, opening the curtain only enough to see the figure of a man standing below, waiting impatiently by the front door. He was blond, wore his hair in a ponytail. I heard the door open and saw him walk inside. The sound of muffled greetings made its' way through the walls. 

I put my ear to the door, but I couldn't make out anything. I heard laughter, they were laughing. About what? Did Antonio know this man? Even if he did, I already didn't like him. He came at the least-convenient time. He interrupted, intruded. 

Time went by, I found my self awaking from a semi-conscious zone, pressed up against the door. I went to the window and saw the blonde man walking to his car. Alas, the bastard was leaving. I threw open my bedroom door and rushed my way down the stairs, running straight into Antonio. 

"Who was he? What was he doing here?" I pestered. He laughed, joyfully, like earlier.

"An old friend of mine. Just moved into town and picked up my address somehow. Funny, isn't it?" I pouted, "Ah, I see. Don't worry, Lovinito."

He leaned down and held my hands in his as he whispered into my ear, "We'll pick up where we left off, si?" I nodded. 

"Is he special? To you?" I couldn't help but ask. He seemed to notice the jealousy in my tone. 

"No need to worry, he's not anyone special." He brushed a lock of stray hair from my face. 

"Is he nobody?" He grinned.

"Nobody." The night was soon set into motion, a new routine soon about to make its' appearance into the lives of Antonio and Lovino. 

Curiosity can do you harm.


	6. Step In Time

Things started to change ever since that blonde man made a visit. Antonio still refuses to tell me his name, only that he's "a good guy". He's been going out a lot lately, but not in the way he used to. Now it's to see friends, make arrangements, he's had less and less time with me. 

That doesn't mean we never see each other. He still comes around night. Not to clash bodies or make sinful remarks that publicity would deem disgusting, but to pick me up. This way, we could carry out our nightly routine. 

He taught me how to use a knife; how to hold my breath and how to keep my footsteps quiet. This way, our work could be done. This way, he would pat my back and tell me he was proud. I've nothing to complain. 

Since I only see him at night these days, I expected myself to be disappointed or tense, but I've gotten used to it. I actually like it better this way, this way...

It's been 6 years since the blonde man arrived. I'm 15 now, Antonio says. I've asked him multiple times how old he was, but he still refuses to tell me. It doesn't matter anyway. Whatever we do to each other, it doesn't matter, because I don't exist. 

Not yet. I don't exist... yet. But I know I'm going to, one day. Antonio knows it as well. We both know I'm going to leave, whether he takes me or I go on my own. I wasn't born to stay here forever, I wasn't born to be his slave. He knows that, I'm sure. He's been looking at me weirdly recently. If he's going to say anything, he better say it soon. I'm getting impatient. 

I've never known any other life, no other life has ever known me. I'm terrified, but something must be done. 

I'm going to say something to him...

I'm going to confront him tomorrow. 

That being said, I finished grooming my hair and set the comb carefully onto my dresser. I slipped on a nightgown before going to bed.


	7. Beautiful.

It was around 5:30 a.m. I sat on my bed, deciding whether or not to "confront" Antonio. I had no plan, and as time went on it seemed harder to make one. I could show up in his room and let the rest happen by itself, or I could block the front door so he can't leave and eventually confronts me and I'd have to give him the whole deal. It plays perfectly in my head, but I'm not so sure even I could play up to it. 

Soon it was 6:00 and I headed down to his room, careful not to make any loud noises. I entered his bedroom, staring intently at his sleeping figure as I closed the door. Edging towards the front of his bed, I stood idly in front of it. I didn't know what I was going to do next. I didn't want to bother him and wake him up, but I didn't want to appear creepy when he woke up himself. I guess it's creepy just being in here in the first place. 

So I played it innocent; I walked next to the bed, and climbed under the comforters. He naturally turned and brought his arms around my waist, I lightly tugged him closer to me. Nervously I laid there, engulfed in no other sound than his steady breathing. A few minutes passed, and he stirred. He tiredly leaned to kiss my cheek before mumbling, 

"What're you doing here? Lovi.." He brushed a few strands of hair from my face that fell back into place right after, "Nightmare?" He murmured. 

"Don't go out today." I stated clearly. This woke him up a little. 

"Why? You know I made plans." 

"I have something I need to tell you." His expression softened. 

"Ay, I see. That's fine, I have something I need to tell you as well." It was my turn to be confused. He shuffled out of bed and opened his closet, pulling out his day attire. I propped myself up on my elbow and watched. He moved to sweetly kiss my cheek again and commanded I wait in the dining room. I obeyed. 

I sat down only for 2 or 3 minutes, looking down and steadily swinging my legs back and forth. He entered shortly and stood in front of me. I opened my mouth to speak, he prevented me from doing so by lifting my chin up and kissing me. 

"I'll speak first." He leaned on the table, rather than finding his own seat. 

"Antonio, I-"

"It's time you leave," I was scared to where he was going. It sounded like I was going to have a life outside, but I didn't know if it meant I'd still be here. 

"What do you mean?" Uneasy hope rang through my voice. He held both my hands in his. 

"A dance, I'm taking you to a dance. You're going to meet people, you're going to be beautiful."

"You're taking me outside? To do more things?" A flash of something unfamiliar struck through his eyes. He spoke quietly.

"Lovino, my love, you must never tell anyone of what we do. What we've ever done. Understood?"

"Then what do I tell them?"

"Nothing." I gave a small, sincere nod. 

"So... when are you taking me? Outside?"

"Whenever you want!" He smiled, I didn't. "The dance is soon, we'll start preparing you tomorrow." 

"Preparing me?" He squeezed my hand in assurance.

"There's nothing to worry about," He halfheartedly laughed, "You're brother is going to be there." I could feel my expression darken. 

"That brother?" My tone struggled to keep it's control. 

"Si." I stood and yanked my hands from his. 

"I want nothing to do with him. I can't have anything to do with him! Not after-"

"Lovi~" He purred, carefully pulling me closer to him, "I think it's about time you know the truth."

"Have you known?" He shook his head.

"But we'll show them. They'll see... you'll be the most beautiful." I leaned against his chest and embraced him, he returned it. After a minute or two he asked, "What was it you were going to tell me?" I no longer had anything to 'confront' him of. 

".. Nothing..." He kissed my neck. 

"I'll be going then. Stay home, stay safe. Don't miss me too much!" I lightly smacked his shoulder at the tease. He stepped once away before quickly snatching me and pinning me to the wall. I didn't need time to think, nor the patience to wait for him to move. I caressed his face before fiercely pulling him to me, locking our lips deeply. It was a passionate few seconds before he slowly let go.

He closed the door behind him. 

I could only sit and wait by the window. You'll see, he'll be beautiful. It all sounded familiar. 

In a way, it scared me.


	8. Natural Sunlight

I know, that within me, something is different. There's only so much to learn, to live for; now that I know there may be a chance that I can be someone else. Someone who talks to people with ease, without slitting their throats in silence. I know there is that different me, someone locked inside, who has been waiting for this moment all his life. It seems everything is constantly changing, words too quick to explain. 

I believe... that my "earliest memory", may really be a memory, and not simply a reoccurring dream. I'm planning to find him when I attend the dance- that man who sneered, who abandoned me. I believe he abandoned me. No man with such a cruel scowl could be innocent enough as to spit those words before just walking away. As if that's the last time he'll see me. He doesn't know what's heading his way, what I'm planning on doing to him. It's not something I can or ever will forget. I'm certain, now, that it was never a dream. Such a dream would never drive this emotion through my veins, it wouldn't affect me this much. I feel quite hateful towards that man- if I could even call him that. 

After all these years, so many thoughts have crossed my mind; about why I'm here, how did I get here, who's replaced me? Who has taken my place, as a son, somewhere else? It drives me mad, knowing that that significant other must so cherish his life and all it's splendors in the outside world. That I've remained here; weak, vulnerable. Yet still I remind myself of how beautiful this place really is. I've taken the time to examine my surroundings, compared to the ones I read about and see time-to-time on screen. Nobody else has Antonio, they don't understand his explicit ways. They aren't able to appreciate what they have, they don't know what they have, but I do. Even here I've felt restricted, but I've been restricted for a cause. Laws have never applied to me, this freedom I've always had. However, this will change when the night comes. When we leave, and I make my special debut in "A New Human Being's Existence Becomes Acknowledged by Mankind," it's a classic, really. 

Across the living room, I recognized the grand piano standing gloriously. Antonio taught me how to play it, along with many other melodic instruments. I'm fluent in the language of the violin, I tend to play frequently now on the one Antonio got me. I see these instruments as beauty that must be handled carefully. No matter how they're played, I believe that they're strong, yet still must be used gently. I've discovered a new "hobby" with music; a new interest, aesthetic, therapeutic escape through treble clefs and arrangements. 

This music has helped me understand the beauty of my surroundings. I can express anything and everything through scales and strings. I've also learned to sing, though I rarely do. Only when it is requested of me. When it's requested of me, I'll do anything, for Antonio. 

\--

Calloused hands lifted mine gently to his lips, kissing them not briefly. 

"Lovino, darling," He held my left palm against his right cheek, "Are you ready?" 

"Of course... I've been ready all day." I replaced my hands with a kiss to his cheek, satisfied with the warm smile he gave me afterwords. He moved across the room and flicked a button on the stereo. He returned to me and placed his hands to my hips, as I instinctively wrapped my arms over his shoulders. 

"Caricia." He commanded. 

The music began to play, my left thigh was brought around his waist and he breathed lightly on my neck. I let him support me, pivoting every 12 measures, our heels clicked against the old wooden floorboard. My arms were brought above my head, my eyes were closed. 

Antonio taught me, that to dance, I didn't need to see. I only need to feel him, feel the moment within itself. This method worked remarkably. I could feel the small rays of sunlight that passed through the blinds, I could feel the walls on every side of me- the walls that I soon won't be captivated by. I could feel the strength in Antonio's shoulders, I could feel his eyes fiercely gazing upon me as I dipped downwards. 

My eyes crept open, I gave a small smirk at Antonio and I decided to lead him. Holding his hands carefully, I walked backwards, watching his amused reaction. I spun myself under his arm. He stopped me and whispered against my collarbone,

"Allemande." 

I obeyed. He enjoyed my temporary attempt at dominance, but made sure I understood who was leading. 

"Mirada." He snapped. Eyes now open, he made sure I understood where my own gaze should always be directed towards. He winked before giving more commands.

"Barrida."

"Boleo."

"Planeo," More quickly than expected, we moved to draw a compass into the floor with our toes. He immediately invaded any remaining floor space I had, stepping close and displacing me. Sacada, I thought. He laughed, purposely teasing me. 

"Parada." He firmly grasped my hips as I was brought to a standstill. I cursed inwardly of his stubbornness. He moved my hair from my face and muttered too close to my lips, "You're getting better."

I sighed in some sort of relief or exhaustion, not knowing which suit me best in the situation. My legs brought me to the floor, Antonio followed, climbing over me and pinning my wrists above my head. Lazily, I didn't care to struggle against him. Instead I stared straight into his bright orbs, with nothing but a flushed expression across my face. He kissed me, and continued to kiss me, until my bottom lip was sore, reddening under his rule. He bit at my neck, sucking at my collarbone. The stereo stopped playing.

"It's soon, you know." He spoke. 

"I know." I answered. 

"I'll be staying home more often."

" . . . I know."

"You don't seem excited."

"I am."

"You don't seem like it." His hands loosened, I took this time to sit up, straddling his lap and leaning against his chest. 

"I've been thinking too much about it, that's all." I tried to form the solid truth into words. He accepted that as a response and kissed the top of my head. He changed the topic, only slightly. 

"Have I taught you about what not to talk about? Our nightly... 'rendezvous', your age, your gender?" I nodded. He thought about what he could say next. 

"There will be many people there, don't converse with anyone you don't trust. If they're persistent, find me immediately." I smiled to myself.

"What if I can't find you?"

"I'll be there," he promised, "don't you worry." He cradled me before standing up, carrying me bridal style. 

"How about you play something for me? It's almost late, this could tune us down for the night." I nodded, he set me down by the piano. He kissed the back of my right shoulder before I adjusted to the lightly-cushioned piano bench. 

I began a song I wrote for him. He wouldn't have known, but he was still listening. I wanted to play something that expressed the passion I felt around him, the steadiness of this old house he raised me in. My right hand focused on the pastel blue light sprayed across the walls every morning when the sun had only nearly risen. 

The piece was quick and simple, nothing more than two or three weeks of composition. I turned my torso to look back at him, I could tell he was pleased with my progress. 

"You're a real beauty, Lovino." This is a phrase I hear him say often. Lately, he's been seemingly obsessed with combing my name with "beautiful". I'd never mind, he says it with such admiration. I know I'm truly lucky to have him in my presence. He's the one who saved me those many years ago, I have since to repay his deed with all the loyalty I am capable of giving to him. 

I swore to obey his every greed.

And everything is right in my eyes; as he holds my hand and leads into the hallway, carefully rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand, as if with the slightest force I could shatter. I don't believe he's wrong. For a while, I've been feeling more fragile. Maybe my bones have weakened, I've never been used to much physical action. 

Either way, I am laid onto satin sheets, with the warm body of my savior against me. He kisses me once more, sweetly, and insists he hold my hand until morning. I happily oblige, my fondness of him overwhelming to my heart's core. 

This way, I sleep peacefully. 

This way, creeping through the window, natural sunlight will wake me up in the morning, assuring another day I spend 'preparing' with Antonio. 

This way, I never forget how loved I am; how dedicated Antonio is to me and how I should do the same. 

His hands are soft on mine. 

 

 

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A/N: HHHHHHHHHHHHH. I spent 2 hours slouching over this dang computer to make this chapter. Thank you all so much for supporting this and inspiring me to continue writing! Really, I was considering just stopping all together when I uploaded chapter 2. I didn't know I'd actually keep going. This is entirely because of y'allll, so again, thank you! 

I have to say, my willingness to write comes entirely from interacting with my readers. When I see people are voting for my chapters (thank you all of you really) I still don't know what you guys want and what I could give more of. Did anything confuse you? Which parts were unclear? What did you feel when reading it, what kind of vibes are you getting from it? Feedback really is a huge help and I appreciate it a lot. 

True story: I had no idea how this plot was gonna work out. I had no clue what I was gonna write for this. But thanks to a lovely little reader's review, I was able to scope out a major part of the ending!! You guys don't understand how much it means to me, and how much I start actually /thinking/ about the story when responding to you guys. When I just write; it's me, myself and I. Not a very lively trio, like the BTT. I only know how to form simple sentences to go in a general direction. By communicating with you guys, I feel like this story has more meaning and can overall just be /more/.

So thanks again to all of you!! You've all really been a big help!


	9. An Autumn Stroll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio's Chapter

The sun shone brightly! It was the perfect day for a walk outside. The falling leaves filled my small town with such a beautiful aroma, birds were singing. Days like these reminded me it wasn't the end. It hasn't been easy the past two years, there's only so much that could go wrong, y'know? I just hadn't expected it, it never crossed my mind I could end up here- like this. 

Life can be so difficult, but the sweet rays of sunlight often helps me forget. I've been kicked out of my high school. That's what you get when you skip school so often, right? Well, in my case. My parents would be so infuriated with me... If they were still here. 

I noticed a familiar, friendly old woman walking in my direction. 

"Buenas dias, Teresa!" I greeted, waving politely towards her.

"Ah, Antonio! It's been so long!" When she was close enough, she pulled me into an affectionate hug. I hugged her back. 

"How have you been?" She released me and pursed her lips in thought.

"I got a new parrot. Linda's four already!"

"Four? Since when?" She laughed. 

"I wouldn't have known. She's grown up right before my eyes! Like daughter, like granddaughter, I suppose." I laughed in return. 

"Well it's been good seein' you. I'm on my way to get some groceries."

"It's been good seeing you too! Bye, Antonio!"

"Adios Teresa!" I laughed to myself as we parted ways. Teresa is such a nice woman; when I was younger, she was the librarian at my elementary school. Since at the time I had a lot of struggles reading, she offered to stay after school and read to me. My personal favorites were Fly High Fly Low and Tom's Midnight Garden. Even after she retired, I still came over to her house some days, and she would read me all of my favorite stories on her front porch. We've kept in touch since then, I guess. 

I skipped over the cracks in the sidewalk's pavement, occasionally stepping on some crunched leaves. It made me feel childish, but the gentle carefree wind reminded me of what I really am. Small. In this world, I am so small. Just a guy who's got some academic and domestic problems with his deceased family. Maybe it's simpler than that.

I passed an old Catholic church, hearing some sort of commotion going on in front of it. There aren't any sessions today, are there? I hid behind the cobblestone wall near the gateway, peaking over slightly. What I heard, wasn't something I wanted to hear. 

"I can't do this!"

"Listen to me."

"You expect me to sit?! To watch?!"

"That's your job, do it right."I heard a strange, strangled noise. 

"What are you doing?! Let him go!" 

"It's his damn fault!" They bickered at each other, yelling profanities, only getting louder and more extreme; with that same strange noise playing under them. This wasn't my business, I considered leaving before I was caught eavesdropping, only to see something else. 

Large, adult hands were clenched over an infant's neck. It was crying. The woman smacked him across the face before storming off, leaving the infant behind. What the hell, the man gave a frustrated groan, was that her child? 

The woman was gone, leaving the man abusively pounding at the child's chest. It continued crying, stopping every now and then to hiccup, though immediately resumed to it's sobs. How is no one else hearing this? Seeing this? 

"You'll never be good enough!" I heard him murmur repeatedly. Before I knew it, the man stood, and began to walk away- leaving the child on the ground. I wasted no time in running over to it, scooping it into my arms and yelling insults at the horrid man. He turned around to face me, clearly angry that I had witnessed the previous event. He sneered. 

"Leave him. He's no good." 

"He's just a baby!" I yelled back at him, I couldn't believe what I had encountered. 

"He's worthless! I don't want him, no one would!" It was obvious there was something very personal behind this man's feelings. But why blame something entirely on this child? I couldn't make sense of it. The boy's cries picked up, I rocked him slowly, looking around desperately for another person in sight who could help. There was none. 

"You'll regret this! You only have one!" I blandly assumed. 

"I'll get another, it won't be hard." He snickered. The infant began thrashing, I cradled him close to my chest to try to prevent him accidentally slipping from my hold. 

"Just wait until he grows up!" Please, "You'll see! He'll be beautiful!" As much as I wanted this man to change his mind, I knew it wouldn't be safe to hand him over. I actually didn't want to hand the child over, to anyone! I know that no one would be able to protect him like I could. It sounds stuck up in my head, but I suddenly felt a wave of devotion flood through me for this olive-eyed child. His thrashing stopped, he began to quiet down. The man turned and resumed walking away.

"Heh, what do you know?! You're just a kid!" Any and all words were stuck in my throat, heat and hatred developing in me towards him. I didn't know who he was, and was kneeling with his own child in my own arms. If it is his child. I saw no resemblance. 

Without any idea of what was to come, I looked down at the child. It looked up at me. I needed to protect him, but there was no way someone as young as me would be able to take care of something so much... younger. I felt tears of self-guilt and confusion begin to form; I can't have you, he reached up to me, I'm not allowed. A terrible idea went through my mind, causing me to turn around and begin walking, without a doubt on my mind.

Oh mama, what am I to do?

I didn't pick up the groceries that day. 

 

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A/N: ALRIGHTY GUYS

This was really quick and thrown together //i'm sorry. I began writing the chapter but then had a sudden thought to write this instead. I feel like Antonio really hasn't been justified in this fic so far, so here; Young Toni being a youthful sweetheart with a troubling life, getting mixed into things that should have never been his business. 

Please tell me what you think! I get really anxious haha~ I was scared all throughout writing this on how you all would take it. I feel like it's an unwanted chapter that's too cheesy ;v; 

Geez, uploading fanfic chapters is like picking out an outfit that you want your crush to comment on. Their opinion is all that matters. 

And, really, it's true. This is no longer a private little idea of mine, so now everything I write is for you guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I thought it would be good to write about before Toni was some hardcore sociopath. 

I'll try to update soon ;v; Thank you all a million!!


	10. Among All Others

I pressed him onto the gravel road and covered his mouth with my free hand, scouring my blade deep within his throat. I ignored the wet splatters of his slowing blood stream, continuing to hold him down through his remaining struggles. 

This time it took more strength than I was used to giving, but I focused entirely on holding my position until his heartbeat stopped its' beating. This one was harder, it took more of a fight to execute him. Yet, still, my job was done. That's all that matters.

Antonio turned my face from the body and tilted my chin up, kissing me passionately. There was blood on my lip, but he didn't mind. Or rather, he preferred me that way. On these nights, when he kisses me like this, I know that I'm doing something right. I'm willing to do this forever, for him. 

"Let's go home, Lovino. This is everyone." He mentioned the multitude of bodies spread across the ground. I smiled, proud of my own work. He pecked my cheek and lifted me bridal-style, heading towards our distant home. I didn't notice I fell asleep on the way. 

\---

When I awoke, Antonio was still home. He's been staying home the past few weeks, with me. I found him at his little desk he set up, sewing together red and gold fabric. He was tense, brows furrowed. I walked quietly over to him and draped my arms over his shoulders, in an attempt to comfort him. He found my hands and leaned back, pulling me closer to him. 

"You're up early."

"You too." He thought for a moment before speaking.

"I'm almost finished with your dress. Will you try it on when it's done?"I nodded and briskly kissed him, finding the sofa across the room and laid myself across it. Propped on my elbow, I watched him intently, admiring him. I wish there was more I could give to him, but it didn't seem possible. The only thing I could do was offer support for his hard work, as well as follow his occasional demands. He may demand anything of me. 

"Lovi, come over here." I did as told. He kicked his seat out, exposing a better view of the masterpiece in front of me. There was a sleeveless, golden torso, pulled together by a red corset that tied in the back. Attached was a red mermaid skirt, with a translucent golden wrap around; held together with a small arrangement of roses at the right waist. I stared in awe. He stood and put a hand on my shoulder, "Go put it on." I responded with a short nod and carefully carried the material into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. 

A few minutes later, I returned, posture held up with tight stitches. Antonio smiled broadly and twirled me, stopping to plant a kiss on my cheek. 

"You're absolutely stunning, Lovino," He stole a rose from his desk and placed it above my left ear, "You truly are astonishing." Flustered by his admiration, I didn't respond, only gazed in his direction. He understood this as a sign of acknowledgement and firmly held me at my waist. 

"Close your eyes." As I cut off my vision, I could feel his lips hover over mine. His right hand moved down from my waist, cupping the back of my left thigh and bringing it over his waist; the dress rode up my leg, and my arms made their way over his shoulders. 

We danced as we had done many times before, irrepressible and blind. Freely intertwining our ankles in musical patterns I would have never known without him. Without him, I'm certain I would have never survived. You're too fragile, he's told me, you're safer here. 

We dipped, but we didn't go back up.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked me. I hadn't realized, I had been smiling. I opened my eyes which immediately locked with his. I've spent years staring into his glass-like, vivid-green orbs; and still, I could go on forever this way. Swiftly, he carried me to the couch and set me down, sending a rather odd look my way, with a smile of his own curving on his lips. 

"You're a doll, Lovino, among all others. . ." Still, I remained silent, shyly holding his gaze. With both hands, he cupped my cheeks. I eagerly tried to sit upright, though he slowly pushed me back down with his forefinger pressed to my lips. "Among all others. . ." Passionately, the space between us was closed. 

Among all others. I could only wonder what he meant.


	11. The Night Before

A chill ran down my spine.

On the small balcony outside Antonio's room, I faced the midnight sky, as well as the vast lands spread under it. Somewhere, far, far out there, my presence is being awaited. Somewhere out there, another world is counting the seconds until I meet my end. The end of being lost, lost in the same place all my life. This is the end of the little boy I was, am, and soon will be another Lovino. A new Lovino. One that will never look back, one that will eventually forget all about this place.

But that simply can't happen. This place, this old wooden home, is the definition of who I am. Everything that's ever happened in this little house made up who I am today. From memorizing the creeks in the staircase, to the small games I used to play with Antonio when we both had nothing else to do in our time. I'll never forget, I'll always remember. Small, inconsequential memories flooded onto the balcony I stood upon. I remember trying to make a cake one night, and accidentally used salt instead of sugar. I remember how lonely I felt as a child, I remember how I would cling to every bit of affection I could. I remember the first time I stayed waiting by the front door all day, only to be greeted by no one. I remember knocking over a small bookshelf, struggling to tie a lace apron, a familiar face that used to frighten me. I remember, leaves were falling down. . .

"Close your eyes." Hands emerged from behind and pulled me back into a warm body belonging to Antonio. "You're cold, Lovino. What are you doing out here, this late?"

"It's all happening tomorrow," He kissed my shoulder. I continued looking onward at the large patches of dying grass, tilting my head, allowing him access to my neck. "I'm nervous." 

He stepped next to me, looking me sincerely in the eye. Carefully lifting my hands up, he kissed them both before securely holding them with his. In return, I gave a meaningful stare. There was a moment of brief repressed passion, before he spoke again. 

"I'll be with you, and I'll protect you. There's nothing you need worry of while I'm at your side." At this moment, it seemed unbelievable I could ever want to leave. I didn't possess any beautiful words for him, none like the ones he said to me; instead I kissed him. It wasn't brisk nor lustful. Slow and sweet, with a perfect rhythm. At this moment, I felt safe. 

As I pulled away, I realized a single question had lingered on my mind for quite some time. I had always wondered, even if it wasn't brought entirely to conscious. Now, I knew, was the perfect time to seek answers, to seek more than answers. Slowly, I worked up the courage to speak. 

". . . Antonio?" His gaze never left mine. 

"Lovino?" His voice was filled with steady concern. 

"Do you. . . love me?"His hands protectively gave mine a gentle squeeze, my mind came up with multiple horrid ways he could answer this foolish question. 

"Lovino," His expression was more serious than I was comfortable with, "I love you more than anyone, anything, in this entire universe." That was beyond more than I needed, but he found this an appropriate time to go on.

"No one could love you more than I, and I've already decided-" He paused, making sure I could truly understand the meaning behind his words. He let go of my hands for a moment, before picking them up again and squeezing them tighter. His expression softened, and he became entirely sincere.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He removed his hands a second time, but now, I realized he left something in mine. A single, diamond ring. Confused and flustered, I opened my mouth to speak, but he wouldn't let me. 

"Think about it for me, please, Lovino," He seemed sentimental and worrisome, I now understood the importance of the ring, "You don't have to say anything! Wear it tomorrow, and I'll be yours forever! If you don't... I'll understand." Without any knowledge of what to say, I didn't speak. I looked down at the marquise-cut diamond bound by a silver band, feeling a new ghostly air around me as Antonio went back inside his room. He tried to keep himself hidden as he casually glanced out by the door, though I knew he was there. 

My heart ached deep within, I didn't know what I wanted. A life spent with Antonio, as something... more, I couldn't imagine anything better. I knew he was all I needed. Nonetheless, who am I to say? When I enter that ballroom tomorrow, who knows what will run through my head. How should I know what love is? How should I know how I want to spend the rest of my life? I don't, I can't. Not now. . . 

My heart is practically pounding, giving me the clearest message it could to let me know exactly whom and what it is I want. Freedom, a new life, it all sounded amazing, but am I ready to experience something entirely different? Am I ready to make the decision between independence and Antonio? 

Deep down, I knew it wasn't a question I had to think about. I had already decided. 

I looked back to the slim opening in the doorway, where Antonio had attempted to hide, then back out to the gleaming starlit sky. 

Dear God, I prayed, I hope I'm making the right choice. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A/N: First, I would like to thank the music box ver. of Naraku no Hana for inspiring the mood of this chapter and helping me write it. 

Second: holy crayola I did not intend for this to happen. it was supposed to be just subtle dialogue but then, bam. i'm f/////g up the entire plot just so y'all know. 

Third: The next chapter I'm planning on making a mighty fine long-ass chapter (for my writing abilities at least). It should take two weeks at the least and really is going to be a pain to write. All support and reviews are greatly appreciated!!!!

Thank you all a bunch. I'd never have written chapter 3 without you guysss.


	12. The Night Of

I pulled open the curtains to what I'd expected to be sunlight, instead finding darkening clouds. It was a big day for me, but my mind still couldn't grasp what was about to happen, what I was about to do. I've already put on the gown, too eager this morning to wait. In my hands, I carefully fumbled with the mesmerizing marquise diamond ring that held every possibility of my future. I knew I couldn't put it on, not yet. Not before I experience what the outside world was like. Besides, Antonio said he'd understand, right? I decided to hide the ring securely in my corset, I could take it out whenever I wanted to, but I wouldn't loose it nor entirely decline his offer. I just... need time. 

I went downstairs to see Antonio was up early as well. He seemed nervous and frantic before spotting me, he tried to keep himself 'together' in some way, folding his arms across his chest and gripping the sleeves of his black dress shirt tightly before releasing and rushing over to me. 

"Lovino! Have you-..." He lifted my left hand, immediately crestfallen. " -Oh, I. . . I see," Slowly, his gaze went dull, and he backed away a few steps, "I understand," he faked a smile, "I understand." I studied him for a small moment. 

"I want to... wait a little bit, before I can give you my final decision! Is that. . . okay?" Nervously, I put my hands on his shoulders, hoping he wouldn't reject the movement. I mustn't have said anything too awful, for his eyes lit up immediately and he suffocated me in an embrace. 

"I can wait an eternity for you, Lovino!" He casually stated. With subtle relief, I gave him a small smile in return. 

"Thank you." He spent a minute simply holding me there, with a melancholy expression plastered among him. He pulled back in remembrance of something. 

"I have to get some things ready, could you get my red tie for me?" 

"Where is it?"

"In the bedroom, hanging in the closet. It should be noticeable." I nodded, leaving to his room. Once I entered, something else entirely caught my eye. Sticking out of the bottom dresser, was a notebook I'd never seen before. I went over to the bottom dresser, and took the little notebook out. It was old and worn, stained pages with a leather cover. I opened it to the first page. 

September 14th, 1946

I stole a child. 

-Antonio F. C. 

With foremost curiosity, I flipped through the pages slowly. I didn't read them thoroughly, only skimmed the many traumatic paragraphs and occasional poems. I didn't know he was a poet? Another short entry caught my eye. 

May 7th, 1955

I can't continue doing this to him. He's just a boy, a child! I had company today, a friend of mine from middle school. I haven't had any friendly contact since high school, it was a relief. Today made me realize I needed to stop defiling this boy any further, he needs a real life, he needs someone there for him. He needs happiness. 

This friend of mine was able to lure me out of my house, go out many nights to celebrate a reunion. I feel I need to separate myself from the boy, at least for now, to protect him. 

-Antonio F. C.

There was a small pang in my chest. Antonio's friend must have been the blonde man, this is the reason he had left me so many nights alone. I didn't waste any more time filling my curiosity of this notebook, quickly ripping a page from the back of it and finding a pen atop his desk. With the pen and paper, I scribbled the location of this journal, along with my address underneath. Neatly, I folded the paper and stuck it in my short, scarlet stiletto heels. I stood up and walked to Antonio's closet, immediately pinpointing his ruby tie. Carefully acquiring it, I made my way out of the room and back to Antonio. 

As I reentered the room, I caught a glimpse of Antonio... crying? The sight seemed unreal, and he quickly covered as he saw me. Walking up to me, he faked an obvious smile. 

"Thank you, Lovi." He handled his tie and frantically put it on; I took hold of it and straightened it for him, taking this as a moment to look into his eyes. 

"Antonio, I love you, you know." Exasperatedly wordless, he stole an artificial rose from the desk he set up in the living room and clipped it above my right ear. I hugged him, which he thankfully returned. For a moment I worried he may have felt the ring in my corset, though I quickly reassured myself he wouldn't be able to notice. He was the first to release the hug, tilting me back to lock me into one of his passionate kisses. My arms were around his neck, his hands made their way up my dress. Smoothly, he caressed the dagger hiding in my left garter, reminding me of the mission we were to carry out. . . . "the Vargas family. . ." "put to death. . ." . . . I had not forgotten. 

Today is the day; Feliciano and his grandfather, Bernardus- the Vargas' lives will be taken away. I was to hunt the heir, Feliciano, while Antonio was to set out and persecute the head of the family. This was a special day, Antonio tells me. He tells me, today's targets aren't like our usual targets. Today is special. 

He murmured sweet little admiring nothings into my ear, he expressed in many words what affection he possessed towards me. I whispered back my gratitude, longing, and overwhelmingly requited love. Like this, we stayed, 'til a yellow checkered cab pulled front of the doorway. Antonio was the first to notice this, from the window. He took my hand and led me through the door, sitting himself and I in the back. Without asking for money or location, the driver took off, a small smirk upon his face. I leaned into Antonio for comfort, he gladly pulled me closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder. I could only think of how safe I felt right then and there, how secure I was beside him, everything I would do to maintain that security. Whilst Antonio be near, I could not be harmed. He's demonstrated this many times for me, every fated night we caused the end of another's life in the alleyways. In the alleys, I remember, we had done much more than kill. 

It was unfamiliar, watching our house fade out into the distance at such a speed. The ride wasn't long, but not abrupt either. Enough time to let my mind wander, enough time to at least somewhat calm the never-ending butterflies of anxiety in my stomach. The sky hadn't cleared up much, still dim and grey. Looking out of the window, the floating sea of cloud and ash above us managed to console my nervousness the most. I hadn't even noticed Antonio and I had left the car, I hadn't even noticed the grand building standing before us. White marble, crested in bronze and gold. What stood before us seemed like a palace only suitable for a prince. 

"Are you ready?" Antonio squeezed my hand. I hadn't any words, which was seemingly a pattern, so I kissed him, pure of awe. His thumb traced my cheek. 

"My lovely, lovely Lovino," His lips gently brushed atop my forehead, "The night is ours." 

His hand holding mine, we walked the front steps, pushed open the front door. 

Bright, vivid lights! Bright, vivid colors- bright and vivid people decorated the interior of the appeared-to-be-palace! I felt excited, I felt nauseous, I clung to the man I identified to be my love. He reassured me with his confident stride, walking towards nowhere. From my left, I noticed two men nodding and bickering in our direction. One familiar, the other quite strange looking. Suddenly, I had missed the dim of the sky, in fear of what excitement could do to me. 

"Antonio," I whined, "the men over there are looking at us." 

"Hm?" He directed his gaze, spotting them, inhaling a barely audible sigh, "How odd... I had never been told they knew each other."Keeping myself glued to his arm, I followed him towards the two men. Whoever these two were, a blonde and an albino, Antonio seemed to know them. They noticed our approach. 

"You two have met?" Antonio was the first to speak, controlled confusion present in his voice.

"Not before today!" The blonde man spoke. He had a strikingly familiar ponytail, held together loosely with a forest-green ribbon. 

"You never told me you were such a lady-killer when you were younger, Antonio." The albino smirked before raising his eyebrows at me. The blonde man, apparently, had the same idea.

"Who's the chick? You haven't introduced her to moi yet~" My grip tightened. He slipped a reassuring arm around my waist. 

"It's none of your b-" The albino's eyes narrowed.

"So this is the other Vargas, eh?" If I wasn't confused before, I sure was now. I could feel the pace of my heartbeat quicken. Antonio managed to pry me off, gently squeezing my hands as a subtle form of affection. 

"Gilbert, Francis, let's talk elsewhere," He commanded, before leaning in to whisper a sincere "wait here". I nodded, he led them off. He didn't spare a second glance at me like I thought he would. Trying to be good, I crossed my arms and stared into nothing, not moving an inch. Eventually, this became difficult, as I witnessed intimidating glances in my direction. There was one peculiar face, round and sweet. Honey hair tucked behind caramel eyes. I noticed the elegant lavender suit he dressed in, this was the one! This was the Vargas' son! It was important that, today, his blood was of my soiled hands. I began to approach him, if not before running into someone else. This was a tall man, as I looked up I noticed frighteningly familiar dark hair, and a glare that paralyzed me for least a second. Back in the right state of mind, I pushed myself off and far away as I could. Had it always been so loud in here? I nearly tripped over my own feet. Where had the quiet, grey skies gone? I recollected my thoughts, silently cursing to myself for having lost sight of the cheery boy. I kept my head low, looking around as cautiously as I could to find a certain head of toffee locks. I certainly had caught sight of him, but not before he saw me. I heard him shout excitedly from across the ballroom, tugging on the sleeve of what looked to be a butler of sort. 

"Oh, Ludwig, look! The lady over there and I look alike, don't you think so? We should go meet her, shouldn't we?" Did we look alike? We did, almost shockingly so. Upon my amazement of the idea, I hadn't noticed as they stood directly front of me. The tall, blond "butler" stood straight and avoided looking directly into my eyes. Nervous, he seemed. The Vargas boy bowed in respect, "M'lady." 

We exchanged names; 'Feliciano' first, as I appeared to have shied out, "Lovino..." I had carefully responded, set on hiding any and all emotion there may be present of me. I don't know what overcame me, but in my mind, I simply knew. This was my brother, he was just an innocent boy who never asked to do wrong. Who just so happened to be my brother. That would make me... a Vargas? Now, wherever had I come to this assumption? With such little evidence and forethought, what possessed me to so calmly come to this conclusion? Sparks and questions silently filled my mind, I tried to solve it for myself. I dismissed myself, claiming to not feel well. It wasn't a lie. My father, who must be my father? The host, of course. The man Antonio had told me of, the one Antonio was to kill himself. The one in the dark, purple suit, Bernardus Vargas. There was only one man fitting such a description in my sight. He boasted about, laughed, drank, surrounded himself with friends and females. He possessed that of a friendly smile, darkened by utterly vicious eyes. I felt dizzy, the people in this room were buzzing around too quickly, the man front of me held a violent aura. 

Unlike Antonio. Right now, all I wanted to do was hide. I wanted to shelter myself away, with Antonio near me, holding, protecting, loving me. I felt weak, vulnerable, sick. The ring in my corset was a reminder of what I must do. Antonio will understand, Feliciano simply wasn't deserving of such a death, but this man is something I felt obligated to massacre. This man deserved it. 

It's amazing, how easily you can catch someone's eye. Bernardus, drunk and full with lust, pried a curly blond off his arm to make his way towards me. Terrified, I played along. I was nothing new to seduction, though I couldn't help but nervously bite my lip. One step at a time, I led us through the crowd, into a hallway. I kept at least 3 yards between us, finding a small unoccupied room far enough away from everyone. Still focusing on Bernardus, I fumbled with the doorknob behind me. Before he got too close, I was able to open the door and bring the two of us inside. He cornered me immediately, an ugly grin smug on his face. I was helpless. Terribly, awfully helpless. Finally, he deemed himself close enough, and decided to speak. 

"Good thing I'm pretty blitzed." He laughed in his sickening tone. 

"Why... is that?" Duty or not, I had an unsettled urge to rip this man's throat out. 

"Because we're about to have a gas!" He laughed again, this time to himself. My stomach churned, and I could only imagine what kind of "good time" we'd be having. To my knowledge, it really wouldn't be good at all. According to my current surroundings, I predict it would be rather bad instead. 

"Are we now?" I worried myself to find the right words, and though they were narrow, they were the best I could fake. A low chuckle was emitted from that dreadful throat of his. I saw his arms reach out, and the room faded to a blue as time begun to slow. Was I processing my current actions? He was on the ground, I was on top of him. I was pinning him to the floor! What had I done? It didn't take much for me to figure out; only a bloodied head and a bloodied right fist to accompany it. Had I punched him? I believe I had. When had my hearing gotten so fuzzy? Even though I wasn't hurt, even though I was on top of him, I had begun to cry. I was alone with this repulsive man, I was vulnerable and Antonio was nowhere near. Why couldn't he be here? 

"Bitch!" The grotesque monster grabbed my arms forced me to lay atop of him, followed by a harsh, vigorous groping, "I'll be getting what I want." I had weakened, I was stuck in a useless struggle and my tears betrayed me. I tried clawing at his chest until eventually receiving a few seconds of freedom. With these few seconds, I hastily threw up my dress and drew out the petite dagger, holding it out threateningly in his direction. He didn't know what to do, which I took as an immediate sign to take action. With my left hand, I clasped my hand over his mouth. In a silent, confused panic, he didn't struggle, but rather furrow his brows at the item in my right hand. I kept it decently close to his wretched throat. 

"H-Hi, it's me! Do you remember me?" I don't remember a time where my voice had been so shaky, so fearful. He shook his head. I felt his sweat build up under my hand. 

"It's your son! I-I'm-I'm your son!" One might say that I had laughed. Nonetheless, my cheeks were still stained and soaked. One might say, that the powerful man underneath me, had started trembling. "Don't you remember me?"

"I thought you were dead." He had spoken from under my hand. Had someone screamed? Or had the world gone silent? My hand tensed and my vision was ripped from me. With my hand, I instinctively drove it down, down, further. I felt his pulse gush onto me. I brought my hand back, down, back down, and my body began to numb. Everything was wet at first, before sticking and clinging onto me. 

"Don't you remember me?" I repeated, though I couldn't hear my own words, "You abandoned me, remember?!" There was a rumble beneath me, and the man started choking on his own death. Blood, that was. Still, I did not stop. Overkill, this could be a slight exaggeration of it. Overkill was one minute ago, this was something much, much, more. 

I was sobbing, and I was frantic. My senses were slowly abandoning me, so I left. I ran out the door, leaving the dagger and the man behind me. I was stained, dirtied and soiled, searching for a bathroom of sort to hide in. It wasn't hard, and I found one immediately not too far away. I slammed the door behind me, locking it, before finally collapsing to the ground. Weak, half-conscious. I was drifting off, only to be jolted awake by a large bang. 

"Lovino, I know you're in here!" Large fists pounded on the door I lay against. In my heart, I knew immediately knew who it was. Still, I questioned him, remaining silent. "I was looking everywhere for you! Open up!" 

Oh, how I wanted to. But I was too weak, and too afraid to face him. He had told me to stay, hadn't he? If I had only listened to him, without getting mixed up in my own curiosity. It was Feliciano, a seemingly enchanting boy, who sparked my actions. If I had stayed still, ignored him, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be so shaky, drenched and soaked in bodily fluids other than my own tears. At the thought, I cried even more. 

"Please, Lovino, just let me in!" If I couldn't stand, I might as well try to respond, right?

"I killed someone." I made out, deciding my voice was still clear enough to be understood. 

"No, no, Feliciano is still out there, isn't he?" 

"No! I killed someone!" I heard a small, frustrated sigh from behind the door. 

"Lovino, we've killed many before, haven't we? Let me in and tell me what the hell is going on!" I was only able to turn my body around, using the door to support my weight, and slowly scratched down. As if understanding, I heard a small thud on the other side, and he spoke again, his voice closer now, "What's the matter, Lovino? Talk to me." 

"I can't do it anymore, I-" I choked, trying to get through to him. I placed my fists securely on the door, as if reaching out to him, "I can't kill a-anymore people!" His response lingered on for what seemed to be forever. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He was silent, and I couldn't see him. I wanted to see him. I needed to open the door. Slowly, I managed to claw my way up. I could reach the door handle, where the lock was! I could reach it, I could pull on it, which is exactly what I did. The moment the lock undid itself, the door was practically out of sight, and a beautiful man lunged my way, without giving me a second to process the action. He slammed the door behind him, right before tackling me merciless. 

"Oh, Lovino, my Lovino!" He peppered my face in little kisses, murmuring my name countless times. He ran his right hand through my hair, using his left to support my body onto his. His magical actions seemed to awaken me, and I relentlessly clung to him for the sake of my life. He let me cry, so I did. I cried until I couldn't any longer. He rocked back and forth, holding me with him. It was calming, and eventually, my breathes may have evened out a little. I feel as if... it may have been tempting for him to cry as well. So why didn't he? I looked up at him for answers, and though I said nothing, he gave a low "Shh, shh..." He truly was a beautiful, wonderful man. In an attempt to calm me, he ignored his own pain, didn't he? I was unable to do more than kiss him, wherever I could. Still, my efforts must have payed off the slightest, for he revealed to me one of those sweet, sincere smiles I had missed so much. 

"Oh, Antonio, I'm so sorry-" I noticed I had left some rather grotesque stains on his shirt. It was barely noticeable, though I still felt a tremendous bundle of guilt. 

"No, it's fine," He spoke with a tone that indicated it wasn't up for discussion, which I was thankful for, "We should get you washed up, shouldn't we?" With the back of his hand, he grazed over the bloodied stains of my cheeks. If only I could explain how inevitably in love with him I am. In response to him, I simply nodded, and he smiled brighter in return. He found a small wash cloth, while I turned on the sink faucet and waited for its warm setting. He was very careful with me, and the blood came off smoothly. He worked on my face, shoulders, chest and arms, gently kissing each area afterwords. He took the longest time on my hands, caring for each individual finger and rubbing small circles on my palm. Finally, after a series of kisses, he stood straight. I spoke.

"I want to go back home." There was a crash of thunder, followed by a pitter-patter, indicating it had begun to storm outside the bathroom window. 

"Oh, but my dearest Lovino!" He tilted my chin, leaning in to whisper against my lips, "The night isn't over quite yet." Eagerly, he closed the space between us, which I just as eagerly complied. The air seemed anew, enthusiastic even. 

"Come on, let's enjoy ourselves!" He wouldn't accept a no, this much I know for sure. He took my hand and rushed us out the door, into the hallway. The only phrase I could use to describe his speed would be something of: He certainly wasn't wasting a single moment. And, he wasn't. 

I was still weak, so he noted to himself to slow a little. Just outside the ballroom, he pressed my shoulders against the wall. He took my hands in his, and leaned in for one last kiss. It was slow and sweet, and full of longing. There was a melancholy gleam in his eyes, if only for a second. Hurriedly, we rushed to the dance floor. 

Directly in the center, he grasped my hands into his, and I felt an overwhelming sense of longing and fear. I have definitely felt similar before, nevertheless, not like this. Not at all like this. In my life; in my short life, that already had begun to feel like an eternity, never before had I experienced such a rough shake of the heart. My own eyes couldn't settle themselves. 

It began with a slow rock, Antonio swayed in one direction and I followed. The motion was soothing, but it wasn't enough. My thoughts cradled from right to left, right, left, right... left... At this moment, Antonio understood what I couldn't even explain to myself.

"Close your eyes." 

Exactly then, it was as if a switch had begun to flicker in my mind. When I closed my eyes, the light faded away. When Antonio spoke, it relentlessly drowned all other noise. I became unreliably sensitive to his touch. In my ear, he whispered small familiar commands. 

"Caricia... Barrida... Planeo... Parada." 

Finally, our hearts sunk together as the music faded. His heated skin burned me into submission once more, I felt his thoughts ghost about me. There was a timeless second of separation before he drew my chin up. I felt his gaze focus. 

"Mirada." My eyes snapped open, powerless as they had already been captured by Antonio's own. 

There was a panic among the crowd, people looking in every direction, yelling about as they huffed in confusion. I, unsure of the situation myself, felt a spark of panic as the room began to dizzily slur in my vision. As Antonio steadily turned his head, he directed my gaze to a specific location, not unfamiliar to me. My clouded ears finally processed something other than the sound of my beating heart-

There was a flash, immediately followed by a roar, before the building fell into a deep, complete darkness. 

Someone had screamed.


	13. To My Readers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Okay, this is a modern comment- the message below is what I wrote to my readers in time of the story's writing. I couldn't write anymore, as devastated I was about that. The next chapter is an extremely extremely extremely rushed summary of what was supposed to happen next, and it only gives the key points plot-wise in events. It's short, it's to-the-point. Some people may want to just know what happens, others may not. Consider this a "spoiler alert".))

Due to many individual reasons, I am sorry to say that the next (and last) chapter has seized it's possibilities of being written. I was really hyped for this story at first, but was overall disappointed with the feedback I've been getting. This, in no way, is any of your guys's faults, only my failure at being able to tell the story as it was meant to be told. I no longer possess any motivation to further this story, I apologize. 

Because of this, I have given you all two options:

1\. I'll leave it as this

2\. I'll release the layout of how this was supposed to end

Let me know if you guys would rather I upload a basic plot summary of all that was potentially going to happen, thank you.


	14. Past the Point of No Return (rushed summary)

Antonio and Lovino, in a blind panic, immediately understand that someone must've found the body. 

Antonio leaves to find them, while Lovino stops to locate Feliciano. Without explanation, Lovino gives him the small note with his address and the journal's location, quickly following Antonio.

Toni had, on impulse, overkilled the witness. 

Lovino enters shortly after, and they agree to leave immediately as they hear others coming down the hall.

They make it to the roof, both fragile in the terrorizing storm above them. 

They agree to commit suicide, and share their last solemn moments together. 

Lovino reveals the ring, claiming to have accepted Antonio's proposal. 

There is a gleam of deep regret in Antonio's eyes, from many years back in time.

They kiss one last time before embracing, and eventually,they jump to their deaths, to their own 

Secret Land.

-

-

-

-

-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alrighty guys, you asked for the layout. This is a very basic, rushed, summary of the key points that were to happen in the ending. I am very sorry I had to cut it so short with you all, and though there are few hopes this story will be continued, I may return to write else things in the future. 

I am so, so happy that so many of you were enjoying Antonio and Lovino's story as it was, and I cannot apologize enough for leaving it like this. 

For understanding, thank you


	15. Epilogue

Cicadas were screaming at the cloudless sky. 

Two men, clad in lavender suits, walked along a dirt road. It was the summer of 1962, on a day where the sun baked the city. Everyone was alive and well; getting their morning coffee, meeting up with an old friend, celebrating their lives as they usually would. There would be no shadows on a day like this, not for them.

Though no one was in sight, here.

The two men had been walking for hours, changing direction ever so often. No one had seen them, but an old woman by the library. She said not a word, only tilted her head from Tom's Midnight Garden, that of which she had been reading. 

"Oh, Luddy, it's so hot out here!" A look of concern was displayed upon the other's face.

"I thought you wanted to find it?"

"Oh! But I do! I've been waiting for months to do this, Luddy, where could it be?" Together, they studied a small scrap of notebook paper. Directions to an address, directions to a journal? Ludwig, an ex-butler to the Vargas heir, was more than suspicious. The Vargas wanted to go alone, but Ludwig wouldn't let him. The scrap was given to them by a stranger, leading to an unknown destination far outwards from their manor. If that wasn't enough, the bodies certainly would complete Ludwig's concern. What were they to say? There were plenty of desperate journalists trying to get a headline on the mass murder which took place in their own home. The Vargas, Feliciano, had ridden it from his mind. He continues to refuse that night took place. The heir above him, Bernardus, simply disappeared. He miraculously "found" the notebook scrap. That's all he wants to believe.

"Sir Var-"

"Luddy, don't call me that."

"Feliciano, look ahead." And, he did. Bringing his nose up from the paper, there was a small, wooden building hidden by a spread patch of glistening, yet rotten trees. Feliciano ran, Ludwig followed shortly after. A subtle wind blew away their footprints.

-

It was a little house. Inside were captivating items of abandonment, it was astonishing to witness. The house was, quite incredibly, cold. The air, the floors, the walls, the scent, the little lacy decors, it was all cold. There didn't seem to be a hint of homely atmosphere, only dark and crude history. Masses of ugly cobwebs filled the corners, dulling the house into a prison. 

Ludwig commanded that of Feliciano to stay in the living room, as he maneuvered through the house to find the 'location'. In a room not too far away. A worn journal, with paper identical to the one they were given, was discovered. Tales of tyranny and regret filled it's pages, stories of helplessness and hopelessness. It was all written so carelessly. So subtle, it was. 

In every sense, it was a burden. 

Ludwig placed the paper, along with it's original journal, back where they were meant to be hidden. He hid the corruption, and he hid the burden. It would not bother anyone anymore, and no one else should take part in such devious actions. The only thing he couldn't understand, within or without reason, was a familiar name. It was an obvious write, and the name came out clear. "Gilbert Beilschmidt", his older brother, another previous servant of the Vargas dynasty. He ran away at the age of 19, to start a business. His last conversation with Ludwig, he promised to find a way, he'd get him out of there, too. What did that entail? At what lengths? 

Ludwig and Feliciano left the house, not saying a word. Feliciano, specifically, wouldn't say a word. But it was the German ex-butler with specific plans in mind. 

The next day, he would be to return, and he'd burn the house to nothing but ash. Nothing but a memory, a distant thought. It was an act of closure, and he was more than fond with fire.

He would burn away a nothing, a thing of nonexistence. The idea of Lovino Vargas would burn that day, and his pleas would remain unheard. It would be unspoken of, unrecorded, and not a word would be spoken of his isolated world. His short, purposeless life of frail wishing. 

It would all burn.

March, 1946 - September, 1961

Dover, Delaware


End file.
